At the age of nine, my beloved father got ill and prematurely passed away. Ever since then my life took a different turn.
Since my mom favored boys, we became more and more distant. As a sensitive and shy girl, I was not very good at expressing myself. Feeling extremely insecure, I gradually retreated to nature, art, and travel and lived in my own fantasy world.
Later after I grew up, work went fairly smoothly. I was promoted to a supervisor position, yet I still felt my life was aimless. In 2005 I took my first asana class through the classes offered at work. For someone who was stiff and filled with old injuries, I was suffering beyond words! But in the final relaxation, all of a sudden, a thought popped out: “Wow! This is what peace and contentment actually feels like. I want to become a yoga teacher and help people.”
From that moment on, the mysterious veil of yoga was being lifted right in front of me.
After I joined SPACE, I was exposed to a variety of different styles of yoga. I was also fortunate to meet my main teacher – Naichin. I have experienced many ups and downs on the path of studying yoga. The Initial temporary experience of peace, of standing on top of the heavenly clouds meditating was quickly and harshly knocked down to the mortal realm by a series of hard asanas. Even with a strong ego, I had to surrender. I realized then only through the back and forth, uninterrupted practice, along with the willingness to truly face my issues, can there be the fortunate possibility of getting a glimpse of pure bliss (Samadhi).
In 2009, I completed a yoga teacher training at SPACE. It was a tremendously inspirational experience. If you asked me what decision I had made in life that was right, this would be it. The best treasure I gain was meeting Basia during the training. I also was introduced to the teachings of eight-limbs yoga and got to know my fellow trainees from various areas. Years after training, we still meet up often to discuss teaching techniques and share the details of our lives and travels.
Afterwards, I further my studies by continuing to study many yoga texts and philosophy, participating in various body works or yoga workshops, and went to Ching Mai to learn traditional Thai Massage. I also have toss away my mobile and went on a ten-day Vipassana Meditation retreat, studied Reiki for positive thinking, joined a fasting retreat to see if that can purify my mind, body and spirit, and so on…
It has been ten years. If you ask how has yoga influenced me, I would say it helped me find the courage to abide in my truth!
Asana had helped me observe my own energy, which let my sensitive mind and body to become healthier and stronger. I learned to listen to my body and I no longer had to go visit doctors when seasons change. When I become aware of my mind drifting all over the places, I'm now able to remind myself to simply breathe consciously for a few minutes then I can come back to the present moment. My silent Vipassana meditation practice allowed me to continue my dialog with myself. It also helped me slowly open up my guarded heart, so I'm able to glimpse the wonders deep inside of my soul. I learned to get along with people, and resolved the long-term problems with my mother.
Yoga led me to realize I'm really a kind-hearted, good-natured, empathetic person. I see everyone has his or her own lesson in life, and life is filled with suffering. Each unresolved issue could only be dig out and seen by our selves (even though lifting that stinky manhole cover and jump in to the bottomless abyss is so terrifying…) Yoga taught me how to surrender and be grateful and the belief that there is an unseen force guiding us back to ourselves, back to peace.
I have come to realize this: Practice is very personal; no one can practice for us. Likewise, we cannot take on someone else's issues.
I feel blessed to have my wishes fulfilled, to inherit and pass on the tradition of yoga and its limitless wisdom. The expectation I have for myself is to share my experience from my own practice with students, and guide them to lay the foundation for their future self-practice.
The daily drama of life off the mat plays on continuously. In the local communities, in the national and international stages, concerns of terror never cede. The times are alerting us: The only permanence is impermanence. But, I no longer fear the unknown. Slowly I am willing to step out my comfort zone. That is because I have Yoga by my side, quietly watching over me.
I'm grateful to all the teachers and practitioners that guided me towards light. I'm thankful to all my dear friends and family who have accompanied me through darkness.
Wishing the endless union of the mind and body.
Namaste
